So, you’ve reached the point in life where all the boxes have been checked—solid career, happy kids, successfully adulting—but you still feel lost. Are you having a midlife crisis? Just a bored Millennial? What the hell is happening? Trust me, I’ve been there, and I’m here to help you navigate this shitstorm of emotions.
- The Wake-Up Call: You're Not Broken, It's OK to Feel Lost
- 1. Start a Conversation (With Yourself)
- 2. Why Do We Feel Lost? (Hint: You’re Looking in the Wrong Places)
- 3. Look for Clues in Your Everyday Life
- 4. Get Curious About Your Values (They've Probably Shifted)
- 5. Rediscovering Passion
- 6. What You Think You Need vs. What You Actually Need
- 7. The Journey Isn’t a Straight Line
- 8. Just Start the Conversation
The Wake-Up Call: You’re Not Broken, It’s OK to Feel Lost
First things first:
- You’re not alone.
- People describe h.ow they “feel lost” all the time
- This isn’t some crisis that needs “fixing.”
Most people spend waaaay too much time worrying about what others think, and not enough on themselves. That’s the real problem—you’ve got values, but you haven’t prioritized them. They’re all competing for attention like sugared-up toddlers.
Full Disclosure: this isn’t medical advice. I’m not a therapist. I’m just sharing what helped me when I felt stuck. Ready? Let’s dive in.
1. Start a Conversation (With Yourself)
When your mind wanders, resist the urge to jump straight to solutioning. First, understand why you’re feeling different.
Ask yourself:
- “Am I really happy?”
- What did I love before life got busy?
Pro tip: Let go of the guilt. There’s nothing wrong with you, so ditch that pressure. It’s easier said than done, but it’s literally 80% of the work.
Need to vent? The conversation doesn’t only have to be with yourself. Choose a reliable friend or partner and let it go. Sometimes saying it out loud is all you need.
2. Why Do We Feel Lost? (Hint: You’re Looking in the Wrong Places)
It’s easy to blame work, parenting, and endless to-do lists. But the truth is, our values can be influenced by others, and before we know it, we’re chasing goals we don’t even care about.
The Social Media/Societal Pressure Trap
Heather, queen of late nights and office drama, just got promoted. And she’s telling us all about it on Instagram. Congrats, I guess? But that sounds like a slow form of torture. And then an annoying thought creeps in “I guess that’s what I should be doing to get promoted”. And then, you start hating work. Because you work 900 hours a week and go to every networking event under the sun.
Most of the time, we don’t even realize how much we’re soaking up the toxic vibes around us.
The “Busy Parent” Trap
Parenting responsibilities can make personal fulfillment seem impossible. I have to get my kids to school. I have to make sure they don’t smell and their hair is brushed. I have to work. I can’t let dishes sit in the sink. These things aren’t optional and there’s no time left for optional activities.
But here’s the truth: your passions aren’t optional. They’re essential.
3. Look for Clues in Your Everyday Life
We’re on the path to self-discovery–yay. But the work doesn’t stop. Pay attention to what energizes or drains you.
Ask yourself:
- When are you genuinely excited, even about small things? If it’s exercise and-self care time, great. If it’s your morning PSL, also great.
- What feels like a chore?
Remember: You are only noticing, not solving. Take the pressure off. Plus, that tends to be when we are most creative.
4. Get Curious About Your Values (They’ve Probably Shifted)
Your values probably aren’t the same as they were five or ten years ago. Back in the day, I used to knock back Trader Joe’s Two Buck Chuck like it was water. But now, even one glass will leave me feeling like a trainwreck. And while I still indulge in a cheap glass of wine here and there, I value my health much more these days. We all take a different journey, but still going on the journey together.
Recently, we did a prioritization exercise and I found it very helpful to just get some clarity without worrying about perception. Here are two similar exercises:
Be honest with yourself. The goal is awareness, not perfection.
5. Rediscovering Passion
You’ve done the homework. Now comes the fun (and challenging) part.
A therapist once told me “you’ll make time for the things that are important to you”. And once you reassess your values, it becomes pretty clear what’s important to you. That doesn’t make it easy–maybe in theory, but certainly not in practice.
How to Make Time for What Matters:
- Think back to what excited you before life got busy.
- Start small: Do one fun thing each week, just for you.
- Don’t worry about being “good” at it. Just allow for creativity.
- Keep an open mind: Your passions might have changed, and that’s perfectly fine.
6. What You Think You Need vs. What You Actually Need
We always think of big change: more time, more money, a different job. Forget that. Start with small shifts.
How to make small changes
Example: I discovered that exploring creativity empowers me. So, I subscribed to Skillshare and signed up for a 15-minute daily creativity class.
I LOVED it. I looked forward to that 15 minutes every day. What fun thing do I get to draw today.
Can you carve out just 15 minutes a day for something energizing?
Sidenote–I’ve found Skillshare to be worth the investment. If you you know what you love, but aren’t sure how to carve out a small amount of time–give it a try. They offer free trials and classes on almost everything. Do a search and see where it leads you.
7. The Journey Isn’t a Straight Line
Self-discovery is messy, and full of trial and error. Here’s what I’ve learned:
- There’s no finish line. Or if there is, I certainly haven’t gotten there.
- It’s okay to not have all the answers. Be kind to yourself.
- Expect discomfort. And be ok with it. This is where growth thrives.
- Build a supportive community. Ditch the toxic people.
8. Just Start the Conversation
Remember that 2009 film, Couples Retreat? Don’t worry if you haven’t seen it—only about three people have. But there’s this quote that hits: “You don’t want to look back and say, ‘I made it through my life.'” Surprisingly profound for an underrated comedy, right?
Well, it’s also true.
Don’t settle for a life dictated by others or one void of your own interests and goals.
You’re not alone in this journey, friend. We’re all figuring it out as we go. We all feel lost occasionally. So, let’s keep learning and building each other up.
