How to Live Authentically: A No-BS Guide to Being Real

This morning, I woke up, opened Instagram, and boom—there they were. Kids from my child’s school, decked out in their game-day best, medals in hand, beaming with pride. The caption? “All those hours of work finally paid off!” Love that for you, truly. But do you need to announce it?

Here’s the issue: those posts represent the 1%. The other 99%? Dragging kids to multiple practices every week while they whine the whole time. And honestly, fuck that. I’ve got enough anxiety as it is. But how can anyone live authentically when the 1% is always front and center, and the 99% gets buried?

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Whether you’re a parent or not, society constantly pressures us to be perfect—the perfect hair, perfect parent, perfect life. It’s exhausting, and it’s got to stop. Trying to live authentically is more than just a buzzword; it’s a powerful way to transform your life. So let’s cut the toxic bullshit and start embracing who we really are.

Understanding Authentic Living

Before you roll your eyes, let me clarify—I’m not trashing sports parents or suggesting you quit posting pictures of your kids. I do it, too. I’m also not telling you to delete social media. What I am saying is that we need to do all these things authentically.

So, what does it mean to live authentically? It means being true to yourself. You’re not pretending to fit in or be someone you’re not. You embrace your values, passions, and quirks, and you don’t care if they’re “cool” or not. And damn, are you happier for it.

Benefits of Authenticity

Sure, being authentic can feel uncomfortable at first. We’re wired to fit in—it’s a survival thing. But guess what? You’re not going to be eaten by a bear if you don’t. Here’s what happens when you start living your truth:

• Less stress: Ditching the facade lowers your anxiety levels. Trying to be perfect is hard, exhausting work.
• More confidence: When you accept and live by who you are, your self-esteem skyrockets.
• Better relationships: You’ll build genuine connections because people can finally see the real you.
• Happiness boost: Doing what you actually love is way more fulfilling than living for others.

Barriers to Living Authentically

I know what you’re thinking—”If it’s so great, why doesn’t everyone do it?” Here’s why it’s hard:

• Fear of judgment: What will people think? Will they label me a loser?
• Societal expectations: This is how things are. I have to fit in.
• Need for approval: That validation from others feels so good, doesn’t it?
• Self-doubt: When we don’t believe in ourselves, it’s tough to show the real us.

Step 1: Self-Reflection and Awareness

Ready to stop pretending? We have to get comfortable with who we really are. The world is full of people trying to fit in. Why fit in when you were born to stand out. And yes, I straight stole that quote from Dr. Seuss.

How to Get Started:

• Journaling: Get raw and honest with yourself. What do you want, not what others expect? Leave the people pleasing behind.
• Meditation: It’s hyped, I know. But even 5 minutes can give you clarity. If it’s not your thing, find something else that helps you tune in.
• Personality Quizzes: We’re not on Buzzfeed trying to figure out “Which Harry Potter House Am I?” I’m not knocking it (Ravenclaw, by the way), but for this exercise, Enneagram or Myers-Briggs will do just fine. These two quizzes can give you a detailed look into how you think, behave, and react.

Tools for Identifying Personal Values:

• Values Inventory: Run a comparison. What do you say is important and how are you actually spending your time? Hard truths may arise, but it’s necessary.
• The “Hell Yes or No” Method: If it’s not a “hell yes,” it’s a no. Simple, right?
• Prioritize Your Values: Listing your values is easy. The hard part is deciding which come first. List them all out, and then rank them. It’s critical in a world of important tasks to know which are at the top.

Step 2: Embracing Vulnerability and Emotional Honesty

Vulnerability sucks, but it’s essential if you want to live authentically. Pretending to have it all together is exhausting. It’s time to drop the act.

How to Embrace Vulnerability:

• Get comfortable with uncertainty: Vulnerability is about letting go of control. Life isn’t perfect, and neither are you. Embrace the unknown.
• Own your emotions: Whether you’re pissed, sad, or ecstatic, say it. Emotional honesty is a game-changer.
• Share your struggles: Don’t broadcast every inconvenience, but be real with the people who matter.
• Stop apologizing for your feelings: Feelings are valid. Stop saying sorry for being a human.

Step 3: Aligning Actions with Personal Values

Remember that mom who’s always posting about her kid’s soccer wins? Let’s call her Rebecca. If soccer and hard work align with her values, great! But if she’s posting to show off and feel superior, maybe not so much.

How to Align Your Actions:

• Check your priorities: If family comes first, why are you working late every night?
• Say no more often: If it doesn’t align with your values, it’s a hard pass.
• Hold yourself accountable: Slip-ups happen. Own it, adjust, and move on.

Step 4: Building Authentic Relationships

Let’s drop the superficial connections. Authentic relationships aren’t built on small talk and pretending everything’s perfect.

Building Authentic Connections:

• Get vulnerable: Real relationships are formed when you share the messy parts, not just the wins.
• Ditch small talk: Ask real questions. Nobody bonds over “How’s the weather?”
• Listen—really listen: Put your phone down and be present.
• Show up when it’s hard: True friends are there through the tough stuff.
• Set boundaries: Don’t let people cross your lines. You are nobody’s doormat and your peace is worth protecting.

Step 5: Setting Authentic Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re essential. Protecting your time and energy is part of living authentically.

How to Set Boundaries:

• Communicate directly: Be honest, but with a little attitude. You’re not responsible for others’ reactions.
• Get clear on what you want: Know your limits. If something drains you, say it.
• Say no without over-explaining: You don’t owe anyone a long explanation. “I can’t make it” is enough.
• Stick to your guns: Once you set a boundary, don’t let people push back.

Step 6: Self-Acceptance and Self-Compassion

You’re a rockstar, and it’s time to embrace that. Treat yourself like you’d treat a good friend—kindness and all.

How to Encourage Self-Acceptance:

• Be kind to yourself: This journey is hard, and you’re doing the work just by showing up.
• Stop comparing yourself: Comparison robs you of joy. Focus on what you value, not what others are doing.
• Practice letting go: Mistakes happen. Don’t let them define you—learn and move on.

Step 7: Pursuing Genuine Passions and Interests

Forget what looks good on paper. Living authentically means chasing what you really love—even if it’s not trendy.

How to Pursue Your Passions:

• Do what you love: What would you do if no one was watching? That’s your passion.
• Stop worrying about ‘cool’: Someone will always judge, but who cares? Do what lights you up.
• Make time for yourself: If you love it, prioritize it.

• Ditch the toxic folk: If people are going to judge you–let them. You don’t have time for it and you’re not going to make time for it.

Navigating Social Pressures and Expectations

Let’s be real—society loves to tell you how to live. We may love Bridgerton, but we’re not in the 1800s, and living authentically means breaking free from all that noise.

• Get Clear on What You Want: Know your values. When you’re solid on your own goals, it’s easier to drown out the stuff that doesn’t matter.
• Say No Without Apologizing: You don’t owe anyone an explanation. “No” is a full sentence. Say it, mean it, move on. No, I don’t want to go to that awkward family reunion.
• Challenge the Shoulds: When you catch yourself thinking “I should,” stop. Do you actually care about it? If not, it’s probably someone else’s expectation.
• Be the Black Sheep: Standing out is uncomfortable, but fitting in isn’t authentic. Don’t be afraid to go against the grain and do what feels right.
• Let Go of People Pleasing: You can’t make everyone happy, and trying will only drain you. Stay true to yourself—the right people will respect that.

Social pressures are always going to exist, but the more you embrace your own path, the less power they’ll have over you.

Go After Your Truth:

Living authentically isn’t about being perfect or having it all figured out. It’s about cutting through the noise, owning who you are, and letting go of all the crap that doesn’t serve you. You’re a busy parent with a million things on your plate, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep living by everyone else’s rules. If you work hard to keep your house clutter-free and that’s important to you–fine, show it off. But share the tornado that was in your living room 30 minutes before. Sharing beyond the perfect is true authenticity.

Be proud of your accomplishments, but don’t forget the journey that got you there.

What’s something you do that you’re ready to ditch?